okay i havent blogged for a rather long time... and i still dont feel like blogging ._.

just here to revive this blog a little. haha.

hm. went back to school a few times recently for ct training. it feels normal going back to school. weird not going back. too used to going back like almost everyday during hols. haha.

this hols feel very not chong1 shi2. but time is still passing very quickly -.-

pitched a few times with sqms and ma'ams yest. i love the feeling of pitching! the adrenaline rush and the sense of accomplishment after that. the sense of teamwork and the feeling that nothing else matters except the pitch. all i can say is, you really have to feel it.

i realise that my brain doesnt function very well when im pitching/abt to pitch ._. and i really cannot tie lashings D:: but i still like pitching basha ;D i mean i like pitching our bazhang. haha. it is simple but looks very nice and cute (:

nyct <3!

back from japan ._. and i want to go back again. haha.

it's damn hot in singapore. D:: and the 8 days trip became more like a 4 day one ): first few days were quite fun. especially the farm visit. the kids at the farm were super cute O: and the family was very nice :D then we had h1n1 so we were stuck at the hotel ._. like go japan can1 guan1 hotel like that. haha. oh and hospital ._. at least the healthy people got to go to the supermart.. thanks to jiayuin and yuanyuh who bought me stuff there haha. and to sqms who are expecting souvenirs! all we got were food because jiayuin only got to go to the supermart -.- and the airport sells mainly foodstuff. haha.

okay actually i dont feel like blogging. i shall post photos another day (:

oh and im stuck at home for the next 7 days!!! that means im going to miss ct selection ): ): ):: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

yes im here again. after 2 mths. you know if you dont blog for very long you dont feel like blogging anymore? haha.

anyway! im here to blog abt ATC (30th - 31st nov 2009!) coz i havent written abt it. so ehh faster to type bah i suppose. but there's a bad thing abt blogging coz alot of stuff goes missing. haha coz very weird to write it here and then when i look at this post next time i will be wondering what i was thinking at that time.. hahaha.

okay where shall i start from? ._.

company? hahaha CHARLIE!!! actually i think i didnt like charlie much in sec 1. -.- but after that i was okay bah. full com lol. actl it's not that having full com means alot to me. haha i just dont like __ but i doubt i will ever tell anyone why... but nvm, im very happy to be in charlie this year. hahaha. (:

let's see. charlie'09: me, yingyun, katherine. glenda, puayling, zihan, peiting. huipeng. fiona, khengfang, sijia. :D yay i rmbed everyone correctly. hahaha :X

hm okay moving on. i like the company identity. hahaha seriously! i love the grey and the blue tgt -.- some sqms ah very tiao ti one leh! still want to tie ribbon here ribbon there. that simpingting is the worst. "oi must one side show pink the other side show grey mah!" okay lor... haha :X

mm aft that bag check. nothing much bah. i dont like bag check generally. haha. dont feel like explaining. moving on.

campcraft comp. ehh. hm. it was very chaotic at the start. D: aiyah nvm. unhappy things are not worth recording. so that we'll forget abt it in future :D only pitched flag and gadget due to lack of time. and manpower anyway. coz most of the 42s were not there O: pitched flag with chu, cam, mc. i like pitching flag :D it makes you high. haha. jomain ma'am came to help too. haha. concluded that we should nvr pitch wearing shorts D: got a few cuts on the knee coz of pulling guylines i think. but it wasnt very pain. just a few scrapes. chuxi got a very big wound though. that looks like friction burn with a whole pian4 of skin gone D: ouch.

next was campfire prep. haha dint really help charlie/delta much though coz i was trying to help 41. didnt help much though -.- and in the end it rained. so ke xi.
then was campfire. we danced fire in the end lol. i forgot like half the moves though -.- i cant dance for nuts.

mm night walk aft that. it was very fun being at np room coz ma'ams were very funny -.- they were much more creative than us lol. but cadets werent scared also. so. hahaha. nothing much aft that.

ohoh! didnt wake up for sentry duty during the night coz sqms couldnt wake me up :X sorry sqms D: i really wanted to wake up leh.. but i didnt hear a single thing until 3+. so in the end i got 2 whole hours of uninterrupted sleep. :X

i should start skipping stuff coz i need to sleep early today if not i'll sleep during chinese lesson tmr. boring chinese lesson. chenlaoshi is going to make us do mock paper 1 again T-T i hate writing zuowens. my languages are bad bad bad. sigh.
i like the tranquility at home when everyone else is out. when everyone else is back. it gets too noisy for my liking D: sometimes i wonder if i like company or solitude..

okay stop digressing. back to atc. eh. second day had pt in the morning. it was okay i guess. no one fell out (: haha but i felt like vomiting almost throughout the whole thing coz of lack of food in the stomach. haha. it wasnt very hiong i think. hm. and it was great coz i havent worked out for a long time -.- since eoys. before eoys. after POP? -.-

then was CSI. it went quite well i think. not much of any hiccups. took quite long to prepare though. oh yes i took delta during this time! hm okay lah. i thought it was very fun. haha. especially the flour thing lol. but eh most companies couldnt guess the 'murderer' lol. in the end we decided that it wasnt very clear.. haha.

okay im going to breeze through the rest of the stuff coz it's 11.43pm alr. not say very late actl. but i need to sleep early D:::

after that was barbie in distress lol. but everyone was dying during this time alr coz of the consecutive physically exhausting activities. hm took bravo during this time.

after this was quiz game 一个头两个大！another physically demanding activity lol. but me and siu modified it alot along the way so i think it was better after that.

ahh my mum just bought a sack of rice from ntuc. then she poured it into the rice container thingo and went away for a few mins and now when she came back it's crawling with the rice insects. D::: i hate insects!!! my dog's food is crawling with insects too argh.

fast forward to CDC lol. hm. CDC has never been my favourite after my experience in sec 1 haha. it's much easier to be casualty though. and much more fun i suppose -_-
oh no it's 12am alr!!!

fast forward again. oh cheering comp! cheering comp was very nice to watch :D again, didnt get to help charlie with anything coz we were trying to wrap things up. yep. but the performances were all very nice and entertaining. haha (:

nothing much after that. just camp closure. and got irritated by and irritated (im sure) a certain someone. i just feel very _ for _ coz she's going to be the only one left now. the only person to turn to. sad. ):

okay that's all. im going to sleep now (: i love the pretty hats we sewed. haha. i shall take and upload a photo of it another day. dont have other photos of atc coz i was too lazy to charge my camera batt :X

oh just one last thing to mention. went for class bbq aft atc (after bathing too) haha. was falling asleep on the way there but okay lah it was quite fun. and the food was nice -.-

okay sleep. now.

shall post for the last time before i start mugging for eoys..

this week was a rather short week ._.

monday:
teachers' day cele. performance with 203'07 <3 (: teared on stage not because of the teachers :X but because of the whole class thing. it is a very heartwarming feeling to have everyone there. okay not everyone.. but almost. (: realised that i have grown quite a bit since sec 2 coz i used to be the same height as shiyun. haha :D
the whole tdc was very nice in general. 410's performance was hilarious. xiaoen and huili made everyone's day. (:

tuesday:
dont rmb what i did. was probably rotting away at home ._.

wed:
stayed back aft school for dalt rehearsal.. i love dalt. dalt is so fun. didnt realise how much i missed dalt till the first time we rehearsed for HC. i miss wu-ing shi with jung D: teaching 41 was also very fun though. hm they very 用心学.. especially glenda and peiyin.. they have to learn quite a bit in such a short time. and of course playing ard with sqms :X
then the ms neo came to see our rehearsal.. haha she's much nicer (and younger O:) than i expected. haha.
stayed back and crap (as usual) and got chased by ms khoo. haha. not that she really succeeded in chasing us out of school :X continued talking with sqms that were left in dalt room aft that. hm is that the first time we actl sat down and talk inside dalt room? talked abt more stuff aft that.. and was thinking abt stuff all the way home too.

thurs:
bio remedial and ncotc briefing aft school. nothing much to mention actl. we finished much earlier than planned lol.

fri:
ne quiz then dalt. ne quiz was ._. i wasnt really expecting sth like that (before hong told me) and the quiz was dated 2002. i wonder how many more years they will reuse it -.-
dalt was.. normal? zhan-ed jiao with jiayuin for the first time lol nvr tried with her before. and i realised that she pa4 yang3 more than pinky -.- hmm went kap for dinner aft that. wasnt very hungry though. came home and wanted to do more stuff but ended up sleeping very early.. not long aft i finished watching ming zhong haha.

today:
went to school in the morn for HSK. it was easier than the yang4 juan4 -.- took my own sweet time doing and still had time to check and stone.
did hw with sqms aft that and was almost late for guitar coz the stupid 66 didnt come after more than 10mins D:: took taxi there in the end and reached barely on time. wasted my $$ somemore. haiyo. luckily i didnt pei2 hong and pinky go np room take plastic bag ...

read a certain someone's blog just now and started thinking about stuff again. i miss the past. seriously. i think i said at least thrice? this year that i know it's impossible to go back to the past but i still cant let go. though i think i said that ive accepted it. but actl i still havent ._. it's easy to ignore when i have sth else to think about but i'll start thinking about it again whenever im not thinking of other stuff ._. which is almost daily. esp when it's happening. argh. i know there's nothing much i can do and as jlpm once said mian qiang shi mei you xing fu de but still... which is why i think i understand why _ choose to do what she's doing now. but i will nvr be able to follow in her footsteps because i wont be able to let go. and i have no one else to turn to lol. why am i stuck in this position ._. i have no idea. probably because it's a path that i chose 3 years ago and nothing will change now. hm. why did it end up like that. i have no idea either. but in life there's no turning back so. ha. 就是这样咯。i wish i can stop thinking abt it too.. maybe i will have a head concussion one day and i'll 选择性失意or sth. but while i really want to turn my back sometimes and pretend that this whole thing nvr happened i at the same time want to 'save' everything that once happened especially all the nicer parts of it all because im actl afraid that i will really forget everything one day.

dont try reading the paragraph above because only a handful of people will know bits and pieces of what im thinking now.

and yes i shall stop blogging from today till aft eoys. today marks the start of sept hols which is in the first place barely of a holiday because of eoys in 4 weeks (!!) and now even less of it because of HC performance and NCOTC. this just means that i shld start mugging now and not think about irreversible stuff.

yesterday was POP. today i woke up in the morning and my first thought was wow we've passed out. everything felt so surreal yesterday. actually it still does. i still havent gotten used to the fact that we've passed out. time passes so quickly. it seemed only yesterday that we were little sec 1s and 37 ma'ams were our ncos. haha. when they promised that they will come back for our pop, our pop seemed like a long time away. now it has passed. wow. anyway, jolene ma'am and huijun ma'am came back. i was quite surprised when i saw them actl. not that they came but more the 好久不见 feel. im glad they came. haha.

so it started with the parade. and it was raining. kat was still saying that mr han said that our year would be the year when changes would happen. yeah changes. no ATC, raining on POP. anyway changed and went down and decided to dry the quad abit so that it was less dangerous. then 39ma'ams came over to help. so nice. haha. and we talked TOs through it. hm. then the rain stopped. asked cadets to fall in and the rain started. throughout the parade it was raining and after the parade, the rain stopped. maybe we were not meant to pop yesterday.. reminded me of a very long ago fuzzy memory when sqms and i were playing ball. then it started raining and after a while, we went indoors and the rain stopped. and we went out again and the rain started. so we went in and the rain stopped and then we went out and it rained. ha. we carried on playing anyway. who cares about the rain actually.

and then 38ma'ams came too. xueting ma'am came for a while. but it was really nice that she came. since she had class i think. our dearest training head.

our squad is a very lucky squad. we had fantastic ncos all 3 years of our NP life. the word fantastic wouldnt quite cover it actl. marilyn ma'am, our sec 1 training head. huijun ma'am, litian ma'am, weilin ma'am, jolene ma'am. our very first batch of ncos who brought us into NP and DALT. without them, i wonder what we would have become. xueting ma'am, our sec 2 training head. liann ma'am, shiyun ma'am, linette ma'am. it was a very trying period for us then when they took over. it was a whole new experience and a lot to get used to. perhaps that was why we ended up being rather close to them. haha. they were probably very exasperated with us then. sqms do yal rmb the letters that xueting ma'am wrote to us? the debrief after orientation 07 at the intersection btwn science block and dongdong? haha. our np life with 38ma'ams as ncos was a whole rollercoaster journey that ended well. then 39ma'ams took over. sjia ma'am, our sec 3 training head. jomain ma'am, zhiyi ma'am. we were alr used to the transition then. i rmb very few acts with 39ma'ams actl. most of the acts were taken up by CT. i rmb last DALT though. the last dalt that was mostly taken up by interview with TOs. that was probably the fastest time we have ever changed. ha.

okay back to POP. hm. after the parade we started highing and going crazy. poor 41 who came to find us to talk about the game. 被我们整到半死。haha. fastforward to at conference room. watched montage with all the photos probably from blogs and facebook lol. i dont have half the photos on the montage actl. haha. and there was cake. the cake was very nice. it had rainbow colours! i wonder how 41 made it. so interesting. hmm then had some games, performances, present-giving. 42's performance was very interesting and entertaining (: well, thank you to all the cadets who put in so much effort for our POP! for the performances, the gifts and esp 41 for organizing the whole thing. i still cant believe we've pop-ed.

talked to 38ma'ams and 39ma'ams for a while after that. 追债from 38ma'ams :X and ehh asked for something that wasnt given to us on pop'08 from 39ma'ams. hahaha. yay. we won. = =

oh then delta 08 people came to give us company presents. haha. delta deedee!!

i want atc ._.

i really wished we had atc. stupid h1n1. 这么会选时候来。if only the school made the stupid no cca announcement 3 days later we would have had our whole atc. stupid. if only the whole h1n1 crap has ended 3 weeks ago we would have had atc too.
this year is such an unfulfilling year... ):

oh well. whatever has passed is past.

to sqms. so it's after POP. i wonder what will happen now.. okay no point worrying about the future. i really miss the happy times we had though. in sec 1 and 2, the squad meetings at 4th floor. the stupid crazy acts of reporting to the pillar for 3rd class prac, asking for permission to the dry riser. the days of coming to school during the dec hols to study for tests tgt, to make presents, to learn np songs, to do PT together and go 'western-med', prac-ing drills together in the rain. ct memories of getting high together, washing at the hose.. in sec 3 what i rmb most was npdp. pracing drills tgt too. we are always pracing drills tgt. haha. and all the kap and coro times. going to beautaiwai. hah. okay. all good things come to an end. it's true. 至少我们曾经快乐过。i love you all squadmates.

it's 1st august today. that's the date of pop last year. hahaha that's really random but i just looked at the date for a moment and that thought just occured to me. as in just a feeling. and i went to check. and it was. = =

sometimes i wonder if humans live their lives over and over again. like we are just repeating our lives all over again with everything happening in chronological order. and that everything that will happen has to happen. i dunno eh but i really get the feeling sometimes that i experience a certain event before. it's almost like i can predict what is going to happen next just that i cant say it out. but when whatever happens happens it just seems so familiar. that's deja vu. it happens so often to me... hmm.

taking a break from studying for block test. haha. just finished compiling ih notes. bio notes next! i shall aim to finish human repro today. or whatever of tmr that follows before i sleep.

watched this video in class that day which has something relevant to block tests:
the secret to happiness - low expectations;

well, there are positive and negative sides to that but... ignore the negative sides la huh. ._.

okay just a quick post. ive just been extremely entertained by our sqd blog archives. hahaha.

a mou2mou2 sqm posted this last time:
ARGH. My sis's asking me how to write loads of simple chinese characters. She ought to be ashame of herself. Even my left hand knows how to write those...

okay very obvious is who right. hahaha i was very amused :D

sigh. i was intending to sleep early today (now actually) but i just realised that i havent prep U D:
life is tragic.