大家好。to prove everyone on my tagboard wrong, im going to blog today (:

haha actually i have posted 3 posts recently on a blog that i created to not ruin the happiness on this blog. 大家can ask me for the url if you're interested, but hmm really not much point cause it's just a blog that i rant on.

heh to update everyone on my life, i havent done anything since the start of hols -_- other than training and PW ._. and athena fac outing, mr wee treating us to jap dinner (H) > heh feel like using this msn emoticon suddenly.

i had a lot of plans for this hols actually haha learning korean, abit of cantonese maybe? playing my dear guitar again, baking, knitting, sewing, watching dramas, movies, going out with friends and squadmates, clearing up my desktop, my table, doing cip, finish the load of homework etc etc etc

but now, everyday i have training and the moment i reach home, i only feel like doing brainless stuff like playing with my bro's iphone, checking email then watch tv watch tv watch tv until like 12am go sleep next day training and the whole freaking cycle continues.

to sum it up, im extremely unsatisfied with how my holidays are but i dont know what to do about it. i really really really feel like quitting canoeing urgh but im strongly morally bound not to and because of this i feel damn freaking frustrated and i still dont know what to do ._. what the hell was going on in my mind when i decided to join canoeing i do not know and to who knows out there who still read my blog haha i'll advise you not to join in future unless you are feeling crazy. maybe i was when i decided to join lol cause too bored during dec hols -_- i guess the only takeaway from canoeing is like the people i met through canoeing. argh but it really sucks to keep holding on and i've reached a point where i just want to be.. normal ._. a normal jc student going through normal jc crap and not like idk what.

if you went through hell once and know that there's more to go would you choose to carry on?

then again, if you had went through hell with 10 other people and know that even if you leave they'll still stay on because they're equally morally bound to and if you leave they'll be even more demoralised, worse than before and still stuck in the same position would you choose to leave?

freakkk. someone tell me what to do please.

sometimes i wish that i'll just.. idk break an arm or a leg and have some legitimate excuse to not continue. ha escapist mentality and cowardly behaviour but shit. i really dont know what to do. how how howwwwww argh. kill me please. like now.

why do we have to lead life meaningfully when we all die in the end? i just wanna idk slack around, eat nice food, travel around the world then die in my sleep. haha.

sigh.

i heard of this song recently and then became addicted to it because it has a nice tune and nice lyrics which somewhat fits my current state of mind.

21 Guns - Green Day
Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

sigh.
life sucks.

oh man i ranted again. im sorry folks there's nothing on my mind now except canoeing lol.

and my dearest squadmates, when are we going to have squad outing?! i'll pon training for it. haha. just kidding. or maybe not.