So it's the end of another semester, the end of another year and I suddenly felt that it was kind of appropriate to reflect about my life haha.

Actually it wasn't really sudden. Somehow the talk with fy yesterday made me think a lot of how my life has changed since jc ended. I can't remember exactly what he said but I suddenly miss the days of working very hard towards something and working very hard for self-improvement not because of others but because of self-motivation. Don't get me wrong I'm still glad that the hellish days are over and I don't really want to return to those days but somehow I feel that I was a better person then as compared to now. Nowadays there are just too many moments that I wonder what I am doing with my life haha.

In the midst of finals on one of the nights when I couldn't sleep I was thinking about lots of things. Like what my priorities in life are. And my family has always been on that list but somehow my actions kinda don't reflect my thoughts (if that makes sense). Like sometimes I feel that staying in hall makes me kind of distant from my family? Then again when I'm spending time with my family I fail to appreciate them as much as they deserve to be. Hmm. Fy is right I'm damn lousy at expressing myself with words.

Another thing is you. Like seriously I usually like to read people's blogs cause it allows me to understand them better but for you, every time I read your blog I just feel like miles away from you. I guess us not communicating enough is a major part of the problem. But if something bothers you and you don't bother telling me then why are we still in a relationship? And sometimes when you tell me I can't understand why you would feel that way either. I just feel like we are just worlds apart and I wonder whether we are still together because I feel like I should just keep trying and things may get better or that I just don't have the courage to decide that we really aren't suited for each other.

On hindsight, I realised that even though I never had a best friend (since primary school I guess), I always had someone to depend on and tell everything to. Like in secondary school it was squadmates, in jc it was jen. Now it's you and maybe that's the only thing that is still keeping us together but it shldn't be this way isn't it? Like there should be more to this than just this. Urgh :(

I want to go travel alone so that I can get away from people and be alone with my own thoughts haha.

After all, all we want to be is to be better versions of ourselves :|