Time to visit my trusty old blog again because I don't know how to talk to anyone :/

And I have a ton of things to do cause my room is still in a mess, but I don't feel like doing anything except to stone and think. So hopefully after this I'll finally start to get some things done :)

So I'm stuck here thinking of what kind of person I am HAHA. There is the me when I was with terence, the me when I am with friends and the me when I was overseas.

I like the me during expeds best in some ways. I like being independent, being thoughtful, carefree and happy. But sometimes I guess I appear as someone who doesn't need anyone or that I'm strong like a guy and that's not really me. And then I try to be friendly and to make friends. Which get conflicting because I like to have friends around me but yet I get tired of being friendly.

Then there is the me when im with friends. I think most people who know me later in my life find me an extrovert. And that's usually the first image that I portray when I meet people for the first time because I don't like awkward silences. But sometimes I guess I just want to hide in my corner and read a book or do my own things. And in certain circumstances you can't really do that because then you'll be judged for being anti-social. And I think sometimes I care too much about what other people think.

Then there is the me when I was with terence. The me that is needy and emotional. I guess most of the times I was most comfortable when I was with him. There is no need to entertain or try to be anyone other than myself. But then when things happen or when we quarrel, I feel like we are such different people with so different mindsets and I just can't imagine us spending the rest of our lives together. And I don't know if i blogged about this before, but usually I love to read people's blogs because their blogs give me an insight of who they are and allow me to get to know them better. But every time I read T's blog, I feel like it's a completely different person writing that blog post from the person I know. So yep, I guess that's one of the many reasons why I decided to end the relationship.

But we met up two nights ago and now I just can't stop thinking about things that he said HAHA. So two weeks ago I'm advising cho to stop obsessing over K and then now .... -.- anyway, he sort of decided to group me together with this two of my hall friends and said that we are a group of people who can't stand loneliness. And that when we're bored we have to go around telling the whole world or to find company. And I just can't stop thinking about it cause I don't feel that im someone like that? As in hmm maybe there is some truth in that but that's just the me who entertains. And I just can't believe that after spending so long together that's the only side of me that he ever saw. And he said we can be nothing more than casual friends. WTH is casual friends that freaking sounds worse than acquaintances. And I don't know why I care -.-

Just last week sqms were complaining about how their ex-es raged and deleted them off fb and insta. But I kind of understand why they did that. Not the raging part but the fb and insta part because everytime I see something that he posts, I feel like im being punched in the stomach :/

So I was advising cho that she needs to start moving on instead of trying to distract herself by going overseas and all. But I guess I'm pro at that myself. Because I haven't been in Singapore since we broke up and now that I'm back and stuck here, it's like everything just happened yesterday. And im back being the needy and emotional self sighhh

I guess I just have to keep convincing myself that it was the right decision and sometimes, you make choices that you can't change. And you walk away and never look back.